Shut Your Mouth!

Adam Colclasure, Columnist
September 23, 2011
Filed under The Rants

“Like OMG like my boyfriend is like so like hot, and he’s like so sweet, and cuddles me like all the time, and blah blah blah, blah!” Do you ever notice that when you’re single more people have the urge to talk to you about their relationships? They brag to you about every disturbing, boring, and intimate detail that happens. Ew, that’s unnecessary information I could’ve lived my life without knowing!

But if you want to add to the torture of listening to you “brag” about your relationships, make sure you ask stupid questions. For example, “Oh my gosh, I just saw Bobby kissing another girl, what should I do?” Then of course I would say, “If he cheated on you, you should probably break up with him.”

Oh, and here’s the twist, I really don’t care about your relationship when I can’t even get into a relationship of my own. I mostly ask about your relationship to be nice, and partially my own personal agenda, but mostly to be nice. Although sad to say but very true, is that every time you start a conversation about your relationship, I’m secretly dreaming about a red hand print across your cheek and me slowly walking away.

So remember this next time you come to me for relationship advice.